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How To Choose Your Maid of Honor!

The Maid of Honor is your Right Hand GalWho your maid of honor is, is a pretty important decision because the maid of honor can end up playing a big role in how smoothly your wedding goes. Most women simply look at who their BFF is at the time of the wedding, but you might want to be a little more particular when choosing who will play that role.

First stop: How involved do you need the maid of honor to be?

This is the first stop because it is probably the most important factor to consider. If your maid of honor will need to take on responsibilities like planning a shower, bachelorette party, attending any and all dress fittings for yourself and your bridesmaids, coordinating the flowers, picking up GiGi from the airport (we could go on and on), then it is really going to narrow down who you should choose as your maid of honor. Once you have determined what you need, consider the following:
  1. Age:
    • It may not be a good fit if who you want is not yet an adult. One bride said she regretted asking her 16 year old sister to serve as maid of honor. They were close and she didn't think she needed too much help with the wedding, but she ended up needing more than the sister could handle. Turned out that even the smallest tasks were too much for her. The bride either had to do it completely by herself or be dissapointed.
  2. Location:
    • This one can be hard because the person that you want to be your maid of honor may just live too far away to help. If you choose to have a maid of honor that lives more than 30 minutes away, just be sure that your expectations are consistent with how hard it will be for her to step up. Some brides will even choose to have co-maids of honor to balance it out.

Second Stop: What emotions are going to be involved?

What we mean by this is that choosing a maid of honor may involve a bit of drama. For example, we had a bride tell us that she really wanted her best friend to be her maid of honor. However she had a childhood friend who wanted to be it too. So when it came to decide, she chose her current best friend and her other friend refused to attend the wedding. This doesn't mean that you should make your decision around other people's feelings. It is your wedding. However, it may be a good idea to make sure your aware of any complicated reactions to your choice. If you are particularly nervous about this possibility, try reading our blog "How to Tell Someone They Won't be a Bridesmaid" to get some guidance.
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How to Choose Your Wedding Party

How to Choose Your Wedding Party Wedding Collectibles Who Makes up the Wedding Party? When trying to figure out who is in the wedding party, you have to navigate first what cultural or religious traditions you wish to uphold. For example, for many christian weddings a candle lighter will light candles at the wedding alter before the mother of the bride is seated. If you decided to include this tradition as part of the ceremony, the candle lighter (usually a pre-teen; ages 10-13) is a member of the wedding party. Or in a Jewish wedding you may have Huppah carriers, and they would be considered a part of the wedding party, or since in many Jewish weddings it is not traditional to have an official wedding party, then they would be a part of the Shushavim (those close to the bride or groom that help with the wedding - for more information see Attendants: A Glossary of Who's Who in the Wedding Party). For a more basic wedding party, the members will include: The mother and father of the bride,mother and father of the groom,maid of honor,best man,bridesmaids, the groomsmen, junior bridesmaids/groomsmen, pages/train bearers, the flower girl, the ring bearer, and ushers. Overwhelmed? Don't Be! SO Whose Who?
  • Mother and Father of the bride and groom: Don't sweat it, this one is decided for you! However, if your parents are divorced and remarried you can feel free to include their new spouses and if you were raised by your grandparents or another relative, they would stand in here. It is up to you!
  • Maid-of-Honor: The maid-of-honor is exactly how the movies portray her. This is your bestest and closest girlfriend or sister. She has been by your side through the thick and thin, perhaps is the friend you grew up with or the one that makes you feel like she has always been there. She is the sister you compete with, but when the bomb drops she is there picking you up and planning revenge on whoever dropped that bomb! If your she is actually a he, that works to. The maid of honor is also considered and called the honor attendant or the best person. Using one of these titles allows for any gender to be the bestie you have at your side throughout all the wedding planning. 
  • Best Man: The best man is basically the male version of the maid of honor. He is the brother or the guy you consider a brother. Or just like the maid of honor, he could be a she and would then be that best person or honor attendant.
  • Bridesmaids: These are your best gals. The ones you trust to be a support and help through the wedding. They will be the ones that help you address invitations, navigate through the florist crisis, and plan that wild bachelorette party. You can consider the maid of honor as the CEO of the bridesmaids.
  • Groomsmen: Again, groomsmen are like the male version of the bridesmaid. Their most obvious task is to plan that bachelor's party, but they also have the task of keeping the bride from murdering the groom before the wedding; ie. making sure the groom isn't late, doesn't miss appointments to pick out ribbon colors, and isn't hung over during the ceremony.
  • Junior Bridesmaids/Groomsmen: These are your bridesmaids and groomsmen that are on the younger side (Aged 10-17). Junior meaning quite literally junior. They can match the bridesmaids and groomsmen or you can dress them in a younger and more modest look that still coordinates with the rest of the party. 
  • Pages or better known as Train Bearers: These are the cute kids (age 6-9) you have that walk with you down the aisle carrying your dress train. If you don't have a train, or do not need someone to carry it for you, then you will not need a page. 
  • Flower Girl: You can have 1-2 flower girls (Age 5-9). Some will just walk the aisle with a bouquet, or if you want they can carry baskets with flower petals and scatter the petals as they walk. Either way, they help make your grand entrance, so just remember that the younger the flower girl, the less control you have over her choice to or to not eat the flower petals. 
  • Ring Bearer: The ring bearer will carry the ring down the aisle and hold it for the groom. This can be a young boy (age 5-9), but like the flower girl, you want to be careful he won't decide to eat the rings. Another option for this is to have the honor attendants carry the rings. 
  • Ushers: If you have a large guest list, you may include ushers. These will be those who you have help guide the guests to their seats. Groomsmen

How Many Bridesmaids and Groomsmen Should I have? We would suggest having no more than six for each group, making a total of twelve, but even that may be too big. Try trimming it down to three or four each. Perhaps have your two honor attendants, and then six bridesmaids and groomsmen total.  What about my cousin and my brother's girlfriend and my brother's girlfriend's sister? STOP. Only choose bridesmaids and wedding party members based on their relationship to you and your groom. If you have best friends that fill the list for potential bridesmaids, you don't even have to ask your sister. Granted, you may want to sit her down and let her know, but it is not a requirement. Only ask those who will be able to support and help you through the wedding and who you have a close relationship with. Many people even consider bridesmaids to be a role specific to friends of the bride and that a sisters role is simply sister of the bride.  

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Maid of Honor Expectations

If you’re a bride, it’s understandable for you to want to share some wedding responsibility. After you’ve selected your wedding party, it’s easy to start handing out tasks to your Maid of Honor, and she probably wants to help, but keep these things in mind before you clutter her inbox with weekly wedding update emails:  m
    1. 1. A Maid of Honor Only Has One Set-In-Stone Duty

The role of Maid of Honor only has one responsibility: showing up and standing beside you on your wedding day. You didn’t pick her because you want a free wedding planner; you picked her because she’s the best friend you’ve got (aside from your fiancé). Don’t think that she HAS to sit up every night the month leading up to the wedding designing dessert tables and addressing invitations. It’s not a crime to ask for her help, but don’t expect it as a part of the Maid of Honor contract. Talk to her as soon as you can about how much responsibility she wants – NOT how much you expect.  
    1. 2. Don’t Ask Her for Parties

Bachelorette parties and bridal showers aren’t part of the deal either. It isn’t the responsibility of your Maid of Honor to plan and pay for all of your pre-wedding events, and you should probably hold off on asking for them. If someone (such as an aunt or bridesmaid) wants to host a shower for you, your level of involvement should be providing a short list of people you would like at the event (making sure that they’re all also invited to the big day); It’s up to the hostess to figure out the budget and how many people she’ll be able to afford. Pushing a large guest list or taking the initiative to assign parties to your Maid of Honor will cause undue stress and some unintended resentment. Take it easy – this is one part of the wedding process you don’t need to fret over!  
    1. 3. Your Maid of Honor has other Responsibilities

In the final weeks leading up to your wedding, you will probably be very focused on your impending nuptials – and that is completely understandable. Your Maid of Honor, however, probably has other duties that she’s trying to juggle in addition to her responsibilities as your right-hand woman. She probably has a job, a family, a cat, and an infinite number of other things weighing on her mind. Is she still in school? Working on her master’s thesis? None of these things will pause for her. Try to understand if she has to slip out of a Mani/Margi/Pedi Party a little early or can’t make it to your place for invitation addressing during lunch on a weekday. She would do the same for you!   Remember, your Maid of Honor will probably want to be there for you as you make your journey down the aisle. If you make a point to discuss expectations and responsibilities before things get crazy, your friendship will come out the other side even stronger than before.
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Maid of Honor

The maid of honor is the chief attendant of the bride. She is majorly responsible for the success of the wedding. She should be always around to help the bride. The bride usually chooses her closest friend or relative to be the maid of honor. She helps the bride in her decision about the dress and accessories. She also helps her to decide the venue of the wedding and reception. The maid of honor also gets to decide the theme of the wedding along with the bride. She helps out with the invitations. She oversees the bridesmaids. She makes sure that everything is in order and all of them look good on the D day. The maid of honor organizes the wedding shower and the bachelorette party. In fact, she is the one who signs the marriage license after the wedding. She is the one who raises the toast to the couple and gives a speech on the wedding day. In short, the success of the wedding is highly dependent on the maid of honor.
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